Thursday, October 28, 2004

Introspection - Ok enough about you, what about me? 

Life conspires.

As seems to be the case, a number of events have lead me to pause and reflect.

1) A close (new) friend explores his personal values and objectives.
2) Another close (again) friend reveals he is also on a similar pursuit.
3) A man (a role model and true leader) dies and I attend the funeral, and listen to a poem that once moved him.

I am touched.

Witnessing, and participating in my friends' self examinations is a humbling experience. It demands incredible courage and strength to look inside for something that we find ugly and want to change. In conversation with #1 - I am truly awed, humbled. I wonder if the ugliness in me is petty, simply weakness. I wonder.

A man by the name of Ben Zion Dalfen was buried yesterday. At his funeral a poem that had once moved him was read. part of the refrain was "A mill does not grind with the water that has past". My read - take opportunities.

So I am at a point, vulnerable (maybe disposed) to introspection and I hear "A mill does not grind with the water that has past" - what do I hear? Don't miss opportunities.

Why does this resonate? because I say it daily to my 3 1/2 year old son to coach him to make decisions.

The impact on me? - Maybe the lesson that my 3 1/2 year old son is beginning to master is something that I (30 years older) need to look at myself. OUCH.

Where does this bring me? What do ugliness have I concealed from myself?

Well, I will share, but in a positive manner - these are the efforts of self improvement that I have committed to making (if you witness me slipping, please call me on it).

I will do what I say (I am already good at the say what I do part)
I will be a better husband, exceeding the wishes of my wife. (ok, I will start with being on time more).
I will be honest about my feelings - first to myself and to others - when I am in a sour mood - I now realize that I am harboring some issue that I should have either let go or spoke of. NO MORE.
I will recognize that others may NEED to have conversations that I don't need. I will engage in these. I will respect these.

Thank you for helping me to learn, God give me the strength to stay the course.

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